Men's Responsibilities in Building Wilayah-Centered Families: : A Path to Raising Righteous Children
Strengthening Guardianship in the Home
Practical Wisdom on Marital Conduct and the Spiritual Art of Raising Righteous Children
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Original Audio from Sheikh Ali Reza Panahian’s Website
If we look deep within our hearts, what is our primary anxiety? What is the concern that keeps us awake at night? If our claim is that we wish to raise soldiers for the Imam of the Time (may Allah hasten his reappearance), this concern must translate into a tangible blueprint for our lives. We cannot expect to raise a generation of spiritual warriors if we are living by the decaying standards of the past or the confused metrics of the modern world.
In a speech delivered during Muharram 1390 (2011), the profound connection between the atmosphere of the home and the destiny of the child was explored. The central thesis is clear: The family is the factory of human beings. Ninety percent of all spiritual, ethical, and religious education occurs not in the mosque or the school, but within the interactions of the household. If we wish to serve the Wilayah, we must start by transforming our families.
The Collapse of Western Models and the Islamic Alternative
We live in an era where the Western model of civilization is crumbling precisely because it has dismantled the family unit. Under the guise of individual freedom, the West has severed the sacred bonds that hold society together. Statistics now suggest a looming demographic and cultural crisis; within the next 20 to 25 years, finding individuals of pure European lineage—those with both a European mother and father—may become a rarity. This is the result of a culture that viewed the family as an obstacle rather than a foundation.
As Muslims, we must not follow this path of disintegration. Our strength lies in the sanctity of the home. The family is not just a social arrangement; it is the primary institution for spiritual ascent. To revive our civilization and prepare for the Imam, we must reject imported lifestyles and return to the Ahlul Bayt’s model of domestic life.
The Golden Rule: Self-Accountability Over Blame
How do we build this divine environment? The transformation begins with a shift in perspective. In a Wilayah-centered family, the focus moves from demanding rights to fulfilling duties.
A common trap in marriage is keeping a mental ledger of the spouse’s faults. “She didn’t do this,” or “He didn’t do that.” The speech emphasizes a profound reversal:
The Mother’s question should be: “How must I raise this child to be a soldier of the Imam?”
The Father’s question should be: “How must I treat this woman so that she can raise a soldier of the Imam?”
When a man focuses entirely on his specific responsibilities toward his wife, rather than policing her behaviour, the environment of the home shifts from a battlefield to a sanctuary.
The Three Pillars of a Husband’s Duty
The speech outlines three specific, practical responsibilities for men. These are not merely acts of kindness; they are foundational pillars for establishing spiritual authority and peace in the home.
1. The Necessity of Verbal Affection There is a distinct psychological difference between men and women that is often ignored. Men are visual beings; they perceive love and respect through action and sight. Women, however, are auditory beings; they need to hear affection. A man might think, “I work hard all day, surely she knows I love her.” This is insufficient. It is a religious and psychological imperative for a man to explicitly tell his wife, “I love you.” Bridging this gap satisfies the emotional needs of the wife and softens the hearts within the home.
2. Service as Sanctity Many men view household chores as beneath their dignity. The Islamic perspective is radically different. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) declared that no man serves his family unless he is a Siddiq (a Truthful One), a Martyr, or a man for whom Allah desires the good of this world and the hereafter. When a father washes a dish or sweeps the floor, he is not lowering his status; he is elevating his spiritual rank to that of the martyrs. This humility teaches children that service is the highest form of leadership.
3. Financial Generosity (Tawse’eh) Stinginess withers the soul of a family. A man is commanded to practice Tawse’eh—expansion. This means that, within his financial means, he should strive to provide comfort and ease for his wife and children. He should not be tight-fisted. Providing a comfortable life is an act of worship that makes the father a conduit of Divine mercy for his children.
A Flower, Not a Workhorse
In a memorable anecdote, the speech recalls the advice of the great mystic Ayatollah Bahjat to a newly married groom. His counsel was brief but encapsulates the essence of Islamic chivalry. He quoted the Commander of the Faithful, Imam Ali (AS):
“Do not burden a woman with what exceeds her capacity, for a woman is a fragrant flower (Rayhanah), not a servant (Qahraman).”
Modern life often demands that a woman be a manager, a laborer, and a servant simultaneously. This pressure crushes her spirit. The man’s duty is to treat her with the delicacy of a flower. When the mother is treated as a Rayhanah, her fragrance—her mood, her spirituality, her affection—permeates the entire house, nurturing the children in an air of peace.
The Spouse as a Divine Test
What if the spouse is difficult? What if, despite all efforts, the partner has a bad character? The speech offers a revolutionary spiritual mathematics.
We do not choose our parents; they are a divinely appointed test. Similarly, we must view our spouses as divinely selected for our specific spiritual growth. If a man has a wife with a difficult temperament, he should understand that Allah desires him to grow specifically through the patience required in this marriage. Fantasizing about a different life is an escape from the divine test. Lowering one’s head and submitting to God’s will in the face of marital difficulty is the path to becoming a soldier of the Imam.
Lessons from Karbala: The Legacy of Lady Rubab
The ultimate aim of these family dynamics is to produce individuals like the heroes of Karbala. The speech concludes with the heart-wrenching yet inspiring example of Lady Rubab, the wife of Imam Husayn (AS) and mother of Ali Asghar.
Lady Rubab was a woman of high social standing who melted in the Wilayah of her husband. Her relationship with Imam Husayn was defined by profound respect and love. After the tragedy of Karbala, she lived for only a year, refusing to sit in the shade, weeping for the body she saw under the burning sun. Yet, even in her grief, she maintained the hierarchy of the family, never stepping ahead of Lady Zaynab.
It was this environment—a marriage of deep respect and divine purpose—that nurtured a child like Ali Asghar. Though an infant, Ali Asghar was a soldier of Wilayah whose sacrifice shook the heavens. If we yearn to raise children who can serve the Imam of our time, we must look to our own homes. We must build families where affection is spoken, service is honoured, and the mother is revered as a flower. Only then can we hope to nurture the soldiers of the future.